by Claire Russell – Founder, Russell Tutoring

Recently, I interviewed a student who perceived that she is behind her peers academically. She comes from a high-achieving family, and she told me that her parents expect her to get A’s. She looks at her test grades and fears she’s stupid.

As I heard this child tell me what she believed about her parents’ expectations, I knew the opposite to be true. Her father gave me permission to tell you about his bright, driven daughter because he humbly asked me how he can change his daughter’s narrative.

Most children start taking standardized tests in third grade, and they are taking tests long before that. Students first understand that tests are a measure of their learning, but those are not the messages they receive over time. When we assign values to test grades, thereby ranking students, we message to children that those grades tell them how they are measuring up.

To most students, tests no longer become a measure of, “Did I learn this chapter?” or “Do I understand this material enough to move on?”, but more “How did I fail?” or “How was I not perfect?”

Let’s be clear. Tests count. That’s why test anxiety is epidemic: kids know tests count. A test may tell you whether you are qualified to attend a college in which you are interested, and that’s useful data for your decision-making. A test may help you earn or keep a scholarship, or pass or fail a class. That can be a tough measure of success or failure, and students internalize these lessons.

Culturally, we have turned tests into a measure of personal worth for students, and that perceived judgment limits their ability to achieve and thrive as learners in the face of adversity.

Students personalize the judgment of tests deeply. Every day, I hear students say things like, “I’m not as smart as people think I am.”

To this father, whose very young daughter watched him hitting the books to keep his elite scholarship, A’s mean “being smart.” When she doesn’t get an exceptional grade at school, this young teen thinks she doesn’t “measure up to smart.”

I suggested to this father that he start messaging to his daughter that tests are a measure of her learning, rather than her achievement. This young teen’s parental figures love learning, and they can engage her about the ideas she’s learning, praising her for developing critical thinking skills and growing her knowledge of the world.

Sometimes when I work with a student who hates a subject, especially something like Algebra, I ask them if they know why they have to study this weird stuff. After all, when are they going to graph parabolas in real life? Students are always dying to know the answer to this question. 😊

I tell them that they are at a critical stage of brain development, and that their brain will grow exactly as much as it is challenged. So, if they’re sitting at home watching SpongeBob, will that cause much hard thinking that will make their brain grow in new and clever ways? Nope. But if they are noodling through tough conceptual work and critical thinking problems while their brain is looking for ways to grow, their brain will be on fire growing new synapses!

What graphing parabolas means is that when students are adults, they’ll have the brain power for all the hard problem-solving that adulting requires; they can resource themselves to be successful in the face of daunting obstacles. My explanation always makes a student less miserable managing Algebra homework: they know that the harder they think, the happier they’ll be as adults.

Learning to take a timed test means facing a difficult challenge, learning the design of something big and how to deconstruct and think strategically about it, and managing a pressured situation with calm, focus, grace, and confidence. Those are valuable skills for college and adult life beyond. In test prep, students can learn to develop a healthy relationship with academics and test-taking. Test prep can be transformative for their lives!

This post is for that father and all parents whose children struggle with this narrative of “A’s are success, and everything else is failure.”

As parents, we can consider exploring our own narratives first. Do you expect your child to get “good” grades? Why? If so, you may be creating a narrative for your child that if they are smart, they will achieve; if they aren’t, they won’t. While we know the nuances of our beliefs about our students’ grades, they don’t.

Our perceived expectations can become a binary for children: I’m smart or I’m stupid, and it’s all in a grade. I invite you to explore your personal narratives and communication with your child about grades and achievement; then, explore your child’s narratives about grades, to see if they match.

That father asked me for ideas to message to his daughter. Here are several, especially for students with anxiety and confidence challenges around tests and learning:

• School is primarily about learning, not achievement. We are proud of you for working hard to learn, especially when material is challenging for you. We don’t care about your grades. We care that you feel supported and successful. Do you need help in any way today? Can we learn something together? You are so clever, and I love learning with you!
• Let’s noodle together and be curious. How was your learning today? What did you enjoy discovering today? What else would you like to learn about? I love learning with you and seeing your brain grow!
• You got an A on your test? How do you feel? (Hear and reflect the child’s very real feelings.) (As long as this is the case,) I’m proud of you for doing your best. Ok. This is interesting data about your learning, and it’s really encouraging data. Would you like to look at your test so we can see all the awesome places you learned? I’d love to hear about what you discovered that was interesting to you! Was there anything you didn’t like or that was a struggle for you?
• You got a C on your test? How do you feel? (Hear and reflect the child’s very real feelings.) (As long as this is the case,) I’m proud of you for doing your best. (If reassurance is necessary,) Ok, no judgment or shame. This is valuable data about your learning! (For example…) How did the test feel when you were taking it? Did you feel prepared for the test? Do you feel comfortable with the material, or do you need some more time with it? What did you enjoy that you were learning? Is there something you don’t like or that we can do to help you be more successful? Is there anything I can help you noodle with? What can we do to help you feel more confident with this material?

When we show our students that we believe tests are a measure of their growth and learning, we help them develop a healthier relationship with tests and test-taking.