by Erin Brenneman – Director of Mindfulness Programs, Russell Tutoring

In mindfulness, we have a saying: you should meditate for twenty minutes a day, unless you’re too busy; then you should meditate for an hour a day. The message here is that the best time to practice mindfulness is exactly when we feel we don’t have time for it. Mindfulness is like a vacuum: it sweeps in and cleans up all those swirling thoughts that are clouding our ability to prioritize tasks, feel at ease, get things done, and work from a place of focus and productivity. Beyond that, mindfulness helps us cultivate a sense of contentment, resilience and compassion for the self and others.

Mindfulness, put simply, is the act of paying attention, on purpose, without judgment or attachment to the outcome. What we pay attention to varies, which is why there are so many mindfulness techniques, so many mind-body skills. We might pay attention to our breath or use our senses to hone in on what we can hear or feel. We might also use our imagination to visualize, distracting our mind from spiraling thoughts.

Why does this matter? How can this help us perform, manage homework or our career, and build confidence?

To explain, I’d like to share the story of one of my first mindfulness coaching students at RTC, a teen who I’ll call Jane. Jane came to me lacking confidence in her abilities, filled with self-judgment and sadness. She rarely smiled. It was common to hear her say statements like, “I’m not smart.” “I’m not good enough.” “I can’t do this.” Jane also self-identified as a procrastinator. She was miserable.

We focused our practice with Jane on building self-compassion. Sometimes that can sound funny. What does compassion have to do with procrastination? And isn’t that selfish – to focus on yourself first? Well, compassion is a bit like riding a bike. If we don’t know how to ride a bike ourselves, how will we have the wisdom to teach someone else how to ride one? The same applies here. If we first learn how to practice self-love, self-acceptance, and self-compassion with ourselves, then we will be far more effective at practicing it with others.

The word compassion comes from the latin compassio, which means “to suffer with.” In practicing self-compassion, the goal is to remove our own suffering. Jane learned that self-compassion can look like a lot of things and that when we first come to this practice we can experience a common pitfall: we can confuse self-compassion with always selecting the path that results in giving ourselves a break. Compassion can certainly resemble self-care. Maybe we come home on Friday from a long week at school or at work. Our mind wants to meet up with our friends, but our body intuitively knows that what it most needs is a nap, so we practice self-compassion and take a nap.

However, self-compassion can also resemble self-discipline, and an example that illustrates this is procrastination. When we procrastinate, we create suffering for ourselves. We delay our homework or chores. Later, we feel guilty, maybe even judging ourselves. The pressure to complete our tasks increases, and we may end up in a cycle where we procrastinate even more. Jane self-identified with this experience, but through mindfulness she began to look at procrastination differently: it wasn’t giving her anything. Instead, it was robbing her from experiencing a sense of accomplishment.

Jane slowly transformed with mindfulness. With each session, she became lighter, brighter, and more confident. She started smiling more and procrastinating less. Her statements started to change. Now I was hearing, “You know what? I can actually do this!” and “I’m the happiest I have ever been.” She even started to share what she was learning with others, relieving their suffering too. Over time, her smile was more infectious, often growing as if it had a will of its own.

This week, Jane and I signed on for our session, and she explained she was having a busy week at school. She was feeling a little overwhelmed. However, where in the past she would have been anxious, this time she followed that statement with a confident, “But I know I can manage it.” She was managing it and felt comfortable asking for what she needed.

This is the kind of self-assuredness and confidence we seek to instill in our students through mindfulness. When that stress and anxiety hits, they know they can handle it because they have a mindfulness plan to help them manage whatever comes their way. With mindfulness, an unsure student begins to realize that they are capable and worthy of success.

No matter the student, no matter their challenges, mindfulness ensures they are resilient, strong, and can excel in the face of any obstacle. In managing a challenge as hard as the SAT or ACT, this is essential. Mindfulness is a practice that can serve us at any age.